I am a crier. People who know me, know this. I cry in children’s movies (Finding Nemo is a nightmare for me), I cry when I see cute old couples on the train, I cry when adorable fluffy puppies clamber up my legs, I cry at all the images on the news of war-torn countries and shell-shocked kids. I am a crier. Do not play that goddamn Sarah McLaughlin SPCA commercial around me.
I also recently found out that I cry when I’m homesick. I have never been homesick before, so this one is new to me. When I moved to Roatan, I really missed the food choices in Vancouver. I missed efficient banks and air conditioning. I missed making more than $15 a day. I missed my friends. I missed all these things, sure, but not enough to make me upset or want to move back because of it. I never cried for Canada. (Okay, maybe once when there was a blackout and it was +42C in my house with no fan. Just that once though. It was rough.)
Here in Japan, I’m starting to settle into my new life. I really like it here so far! My town is just the right size for me, I have air conditioning, I like literally all the food, the people are nice, and my apartment has everything I need. I think I will like my job, but I haven’t started quite yet because the kids are on summer break. Japan is cool and I’m diggin’ it.
But I find myself welling up every time something reminds me of Roatan. A dancehall song on my Spotify playlist. Rosquillas in the international import food store. Scuba divers on TV. When I walk onto my balcony and the wall of hot, humid air is so thick I feel like I’m swimming. My island friends posting photos on Facebook of nights out in my favorite bars. Finding goya (Japanese) / cerasee (island English) / bitter melon (North American English) in my food at English camp and thinking back to the time that one of my boat captains taught me how to use it in bush medicine. I still find myself cursing in Spanish and island English, and when I wake up to cicadas buzzing there’s been more than once that I thought I was back in the jungle house for a second or two.
It took me a while to figure out what was going on, until I realized – I’m homesick. I miss Roatan and even though I’m loving it here in Japan, I’m already scheming about how I can get back there when I’m done here. I’ve been busy Googling where to find dancehall/reggaeton/Caribbean dance clubs in Tokyo (FYI: this exists, and I AM GOING), and begging my islander friends to send me videos of their day, and voice memos of them talking so I don’t forget my island English. If you say the words “fry meat” or “gyal” to me right now, I will cry.
I mentioned this to a friend recently and was told it isn’t possible to be homesick for somewhere that’s not home. I say, if you’re homesick for it, it is home. I lived on Roatan for four years – it was my home!! I wasn’t on vacation. I lived and worked there just like everyone else. I was so frustrated and tired of Roatan by the time I left that I thought I would get to Japan, jump into my new life and forget all about that little island. As it turns out, it’s burrowed a lot deeper in my soul than I even thought. I’ve left my heart in a lot of places around the world in the short time I’ve been on it, but this has shown me that Roatan has earned her spot there.
Islanders love to say “I’m coming back” when they leave somewhere, whether they actually are coming back in five minutes or not. I feel the same way about wherever my ‘home’ is – I’m coming back sometime, I don’t know when but it makes me and everyone else feel better knowing that it will be sometime. Home really is wherever your heart is, and mine is in many places. And that’s okay.
I am often homesick for Japan and I totally consider that one of my homes. Roatan was a huge part of your life – of course you’re going to grieve for it. It’ll pass, though, I promise. You’ll start making more memories and you’ll have a brand new home to miss in the future. Hang in there lovely xx
Thanks my dear!! Always good to hear from someone who’s been there 🙂 xoxo
My husband and I left Roatan 2 weeks ago and can’t wait to go back in February. We plan on moving there in spring. Would love to know some do’s and don’ts about the island. We are considering bringing my mother in law who is 82 when we move. Are there any senior activities on the island? Would so appreciate any feedback- good or bad? my email address is Hodamae@ hotmail.com.
Thank you,
Robyn
Hi Robyn, best of luck in your upcoming move. I didn’t really venture in the ‘retired expat’ or ‘senior’ circles on the island, so I don’t have much to suggest. Try checking out Deb’s blog at http://www.mermaidonaraft.com! I also don’t live on Roatan anymore so I don’t give advice these days, since things change so frequently there. Have you already looked through my Roatan FAQ? There’s a link at the top of the page.
Nice to see the love of Roatan coming back to you! Enjoy Japan and we hope to see you back on the island soon. xoxox
Thank you Liza!! Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, hey? There’s definitely a set of requirements I know are non-negotiable if I ever want to live there again (need a better paying job and a place with AC!!) but I look forward to visiting, diving and seeing all my friends again, including you + Mike!! xoxox
Those are good requirements!!
Aw, Rika, I totally get how you’re feeling. When I moved to Nashville, I did wind up feeling homesick for Toronto/Canada after a few months, which made sense because that is where I had lived for 22 years of my life! But when we left Nashville to travel the world in 2012, I was so excited and though the city had grown on me, I was really excited to move on. Now, nearly 4 years later, I still am struck by moments where I intensely miss Nashville and I find that when it comes to feeling homesick, it’s Nashville I miss, not Toronto. I’m not sure why someone told you that Roatan wasn’t home, but I think that given that you were there for 4 years, that certainly counts, especially since you really did your best to integrate and assimilate into island life.
Anyway, I think it’s completely natural and normal to love where you are but still feel wistful for where you came from, and I’m glad that with some time apart, your love for Roatan is beginning to burn bright once more. It’ll always be there for you, albeit in a different way, and I won’t be surprised if (when!) in a couple of years down the line, you’re writing about missing Japan! 😉
Thanks Steph!! Always nice to know you’re not alone 🙂 We are definitely on the same page!
And yep, I can already see myself missing Japan like crazy haha!