New Years resolutions scare the bejeezus out of me.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself in my 28 years, it’s that I fucking suck at sticking to stuff. (Other than checking Facebook maniacally; I’ve been doing that successfully since March 2007.) Like, I think its a kind of a miracle I even made it through university. I changed my major 4 times in the first year, 3 times in the second year and twice in the third year. Then I wanted to go do a masters in speech pathology. Then I wanted to go to law school. Then I wanted to be a wedding planner. Now I’m a scuba diving instructor. Christ. I frequently change boyfriends, apartments, languages I’m learning, hobbies and musical interests. I like to think it keeps things fresh. I’m pretty sure other people think I’m unhinged. Whatever.
Therefore it should come as no surprise that I don’t like New Years resolutions. Saying I’m going to start doing something and then having to do it? Uh, no thanks.
That being said, I do like the theoretical ‘clean slate’ and ‘new beginning’ and all that shit a new year brings.
So here is a list of things I’m NOT going to do anymore in 2014 (….maybe).
I’m not going to check my work email at night anymore.
Oh, I’ve been doing this since the cubicle days. With my recent promotion to management level at the dive shop I was working at, I’m not only in charge of the internal emails I was dealing with before, I’m now in charge of reservations. It’s oh-so-easy to just have new emails pop up on my iPhone while I’m checking other accounts, and it looks good when I answer work emails at 8pm. But seriously, with what I get paid down here there is no way I am getting enough to work past the 8.5 hours I already put in at the shop 6 days a week. People are getting used to me working at night, and that’s gotta stop.
I’m not going to stop eating popcorn for dinner when I feel too lazy to cook.
But I am probably going to stop putting 3 cups of melted butter all over it. Because thighs.
I’m not going to cut my hair.
It’s too long and gross, but I do this every year. I don’t know why. I don’t cut it because it’s really long and I don’t want them to cut too much off, so I let it grow and grow and then they need to cut a bunch off cause all the ends are dead and I lament my 3 inches of newly-departed hair an embarrassing amount.
I’m not going to kid myself about working out.
Cause no matter how many times I write “do yoga DVD” or “follow online 20 minute workout routine” on my agenda, I never ever end up doing it.
I’m not going to buy any more vegetables at the American grocery store here.
That place clearly has a massive freon leak and all the vegetables taste like plastic bags.
I’m not going to feel bad about avoiding the beach on my days off.
I know, I know, I live in the Caribbean. But I WORK AT THE BEACH. And there’s sandflies. So no.
I’m not going to be on time, EVER.
So just tell me a fake time for stuff. I can’t be on time. Sorry. Look at this post, it’s January fucking 20th and I’m writing about New Years. Terrible.
Well, I’m sure this will change about 15 times before I even post it. But I’m not going to worry about that either. Happy 2014, bitches 🙂