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10 Ways That I Know You’re a Tourist and Not an Expat

November 27, 2013 by Rika 33 Comments

When I first came here on holidays, I was mystified. There are loads of expats living on Roatan, so how did everyone seem to know I was a tourist? I could have been a dive instructor living here…how did they know I wasn’t?


After less than three months of living here, I had all the answers. When I ask people, “how long are you on holiday for?” they giggle and ask how I knew they were on holiday. At this point in time, I can spot a tourist a mile away. Some things are easy to pick out, some are trickier. Here’s how I know.


#1. You’re taking pictures of sunsets, the beach, the road, palm trees, stray dogs/cats or locals who are going about their business….with a camera (and it’s not your job). Bonus points for having a camera around your neck.

jumping photo on the beach = TOURIST (yes, that’s me…in my defense i was here on holiday in all these photos)





Yeah, sometimes we take photos of these things too, but it’s always with our smartphones so we can upload them to Facebook and make all our friends at home in the snow jealous. And we don’t take photos when we eat a burger and fries.


#2. You’re walking around barefoot in the street.

TOURIST! had my shoes stolen at the bar the night before. also note my backpack and water bottle, which scream tourist.



There’s only two expats who do this on a regular basis (and we all know who they are). The rest of us see enough dog shit, broken glass, puke, horse shit, garbage and needles in the street to keep our shoes on when we’re walking in the road.


#3. You’re super, super sunburned.


We did that too on our first week. But most of us that actually live here don’t spend all day laying out in the sun trying to get a tan. 


#4. You’re drinking a monkey la-la, pina colada, or an imported beer.

this is my friend steph and i drinking monkey lalas during my first trip to roatan. actually i think this was during the first 5 minutes i was on roatan. anyway, that’s the last monkey lala i ever had.





First of all, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN A MONKEY LA-LA!? These drinks are our ‘local specialty’ and are variations on rum, Kahlua, cream of coconut, vanilla ice cream, condensed milk and chocolate syrup. Have fun going home with diabetes. Also, re: pina coladas…only tourists drink these. It’s just a fact. And none of us can afford to drink imported beer.


#5. You can’t understand the islanders.


Every day I’m astounded that I have to translate for my boat captains WHEN THEY ARE SPEAKING ENGLISH to our diving guests. It’s just a Caribbean accent guys, it’s not that hard. If you’re a tourist, I’ll give you a pass on not understanding their creole or “island talk”, but I know for sure you don’t live here when you can’t understand them speaking English to you. FYI: I have to translate most often for guests from the southern United States….guess what y’all, I can’t understand y’all either.


#6. You panic wildly and loudly during any of the following: lengthy power outages, lack of toilet paper in the bathroom, scorpions/tarantulas/snakes in the general vicinity, stray dogs chasing you, our town drunks yelling at you, cold water showers, slow internet or ice cubes in your drinks.


Self-explanatory.


#7. Your legs (or your entire body if you’re unlucky) look like this:





Welcomes to Roatan. We have sandflies. A LOT. Don’t scratch. Good luck. (These are my legs after 3 days on the island. After this they got worse, way worse, and infected. It took me a YEAR before I got used to the bugs. Fun fact: in West End, the islanders still refer to me as ‘Sore Legs’. Once you get a nickname it sticks.)


#8. You’re wearing your hotel all-inclusive wristband.


Duh, guys.


#9. You’re all over the local talent.


Heads up ladies, most of the island guys love to go out to pick up tourists. You’re the perfect girl – way too drunk, holiday-level-inhibitions (low), wearing next to nothing (beach vacation!) and leaving soon. Any expat has either steered clear or learned their lesson the hard way and THEN steered clear. Not telling you which camp I fell into…


#10. You are wearing either: (a) tiny string bikini, American Apparel super slouchy ripped tank top/coverup with clever saying or band name on the front, no pants, a tribal headband, lots of jewelry and $300 sunglasses OR (b) button up shirt, shorts pulled up high, socks with sandals, those stupid neck money holder thingies.

so many tourist faux pas here. good lord. uh…wearing a bikini and a sarong in a store. drinking in a store. wearing a messenger bag with a bottle of water in the side. sunburn. drunk. oh man.





Ok, let’s get real. If your clothes are new, cost more than $10, you have on makeup and your hair is straightened, I can pretty much tell you’re a tourist. Or if you’re walking around in a sarong. I’ve only rarely seen a local do that, and they’re probably saying to their friend that they feel like a tourist. You will never, ever see an islander walking around off the beach in a bathing suit. Nope.



So welcome to Roatan! We know who you are 🙂


There’s still time to enter my personalized dayplanner giveaway.. go enter if you haven’t already!

Guys, make sure to follow me on Facebook and Twitter … there’s lots of extras posted there that don’t make it onto the blog. Plus it makes ridiculous tourist photos of me happen. So there’s that.

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Related

Filed Under: Expat Living, Life Tagged With: Tourists

Previous Post: « Inaugural Roatan Review: Roatan Boat Excursions
Next Post: Rainy Roatan Nights »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Carmel & Shawn says

    December 6, 2013 at 9:20 am

    Oh, your poor legs!!! I'm SO guilty of walking around everywhere with a water bottle… of course, I am a tourist!

    Reply
  2. Jamie says

    December 4, 2013 at 12:17 am

    This is hilarious. Although I could live somewhere for 100 years and still be a sucker for good looking sweet talker. "oh I'm the prettiest girl you've ever seen? My place or yours?"

    Reply
  3. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    December 2, 2013 at 4:10 am

    I definitely had more fun as a tourist here hehe 🙂

    Reply
  4. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    December 2, 2013 at 4:10 am

    They are awful little creatures aren't they?? The worst part about sandflies is they don't care about any repellents…NOTHING keeps them away if you have blood they like. My boss took nine years living here before he got used to it, I guess I need to be thankful it only took me a year.

    Reply
  5. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    December 2, 2013 at 4:08 am

    Thanks Satu!! Yes, the Caribbean is a bit warmer than Norway for sure. I can't imagine walking around in a bikini there!

    Reply
  6. Must for Wanderlust says

    December 1, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    Hahaha such a funny list! & your legs, ouuuch.. I'd say I'm guilty of being a tourist for the first few months I live somewhere new, but after that no photos of red doors or trees are taken by me. Come to think of it though, when the tourist effect wears off it's not nearly as exciting. x

    Reply
  7. TammyOnTheMove says

    December 1, 2013 at 6:33 am

    OMG, those sand fly bites look horrible! I have been an expat in Cambodia for two years, but I still get mosquito bites all over my legs. I am refusing to believe that mossies think I am a tourist and that my blood somehow hasn't adapted yet. Locals never get bitten, but I still do. Maybe I have to admit defeat one day…

    Reply
  8. Satu VW says

    November 30, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    It was great to find your blog, thanks for stopping by mine!! Your life over there looks slightly, err, warmer than here in Norway, even the tourists don't walk barefoot or in bikinis here, summer or winter 😉

    Reply
  9. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 30, 2013 at 3:57 am

    Believe it or not, this is the nicest photo of them. They got horrific after a few months here. Like, people asking if I had leprosy. THAT bad. Every day I thank the universe for finally developing a bit of immunity after a year and a half!!

    Reply
  10. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 30, 2013 at 3:56 am

    Thanks Chrissann….also thinking of tweaking this one for ya 🙂

    Reply
  11. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 30, 2013 at 3:56 am

    Yes!! Should have made the point about the sellers as well. The DVD and sunglasses will walk up to my friends and be like LADY LADY YOU WANT TO BUY LADY LOOK AT THIS…OH HI RIKA" haha 🙂

    Reply
  12. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 30, 2013 at 3:55 am

    I always think they look kind of cute. They're so excited to be on holidays!! I love it!

    Reply
  13. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 30, 2013 at 3:54 am

    Oh man. That nickname…every time I walk down the street in town I hear people yelling it at me. There's no hint of malice or anything, just like the most literal nickname ever. (My nickname in high school was "Pink" due to my neon pink hair – is there something about me that inspires unoriginal nicknames??)

    Reply
  14. Jessica Dawdy says

    November 29, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Ouch! Your sandfly-legs look like my mosquito-legs when I first moved to Thailand – same idea though, it wears off after you've been there for a few months. But just as the bites cleared up, I managed to get a scooter burn on my leg, which is definitely the mark of a tourist in Thailand!

    Reply
  15. Chrissann says

    November 28, 2013 at 11:10 am

    Hilarious, great post!

    Reply
  16. VacayGirl says

    November 28, 2013 at 12:49 am

    So true on all accounts. I would trapse around in a 'kini and cover up when on vacation. Now I'm just as clothed as if I was still in Tx. I see tourists in Walmart and feel like I have on too many clothes. Lol And talking to all the local sellers on the beach is out the window too. I'm not rude but I know how to not be stopped by 'em every inch of my beach walks. My friends always feel obligated to speak and it slows 'em down. Poor things. Lol

    Reply
  17. Agness says

    November 28, 2013 at 12:42 am

    LOL, this post really made me laugh. So true! I can just imagine myself carrying a camera and walking around barefoot in the street :-). Tourists can really look funny and silly :P. It feels great to be local, huh?

    Reply
  18. acruisingcouple says

    November 28, 2013 at 12:24 am

    hahaha this is too funny! and, i'm sorry, but that nickname is absolutely hilarious!! i now know that locals probably see me coming from miles away 😉

    Reply
  19. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 27, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    When it's coming at you with a Caribbean lilt and brown skin with green eyes and a blond-tinged afro, it is very difficult, I'm afraid. (I'm referring to the sweet talk here..and not the monkey lalas. FYI.)

    Reply
  20. Shaz Lake says

    November 27, 2013 at 7:57 pm

    Note to self: don't drink Monkey la-las and succumb to island sweet talk.

    Reply
  21. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 27, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    One while I was on holiday was enough for me… so sweet, and soooo much alcohol!

    And yes the sandflies are a nightmare… some people they don't bother, but I was not so lucky 🙁

    Reply
  22. Alex says

    November 27, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    I had never heard of a monkey la la, but it sounds dang good and I'd probably treat myself to one on occasion even if I lived there 😉

    Those sand fly bites look SO irritating!

    Reply
  23. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 27, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    I think that drink is limited to the Bay Islands… not 100% sure but I think so. It's named after the so-called "Jesus Lizard" monkey lala lizard (it can 'walk on water') that lives here. Locals like to joke when tourists ask us how it's made that we toss a lizard tail in the blender with the other ingredients – I've gotten some seriously green faces from that joke 😉

    Reply
  24. Karisa Blake says

    November 27, 2013 at 9:06 am

    How have I never heard of a Monkey La La!?!?! haha It sounds delicious!

    Reply
  25. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 27, 2013 at 4:06 am

    Well, it's not a terrible trade…there IS a shitload of alcohol in it! So you also get drunk, AND diabetes. Not bad for $6.

    I'm pretty sure you could pass for Honduran too. I wish I was a chameleon like you! I can't pass for a local anywhere except Canada, the US and probably most of Europe. Other than that, I'm the super tall super white girl with freckles 🙂

    Reply
  26. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 27, 2013 at 4:04 am

    It is straight up sugar and fat in a glass. Tasty, but good lord.

    I've never seen Presidente…we have pretty much just Honduran beer here. Salva Vida, Port Royal, Barena and Imperial are the big 4. I think you can get Imperial elsewhere, but the rest are Honduran as far as I know.

    Reply
  27. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 27, 2013 at 4:02 am

    Thanks!! Yeah, I think generally anywhere with a beach = tourists going everywhere in beachwear, and locals not. There's nothing wrong with it (not here anyway)…just an easy way to spot a tourist 🙂

    Reply
  28. Steph (@ 20 Years Hence) says

    November 27, 2013 at 4:01 am

    First off, a monkey la-la sounds delicious and I think getting diabetes from it would be a fair trade.

    Second, I wonder how many of your rules I could flout before being called out? At last count, not matter what I wear and even if I speak to people in English, I have been mistaken for (and sometimes adamantly told that I am) a local in 9/13 Asian countries. And in the States people were always trying to speak Spanish to me thinking I was Mexican… I can only imagine the conversations: "Why is that local girl wearing a sarong and trying to get diabetes?" 🙂

    Reply
  29. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 27, 2013 at 4:01 am

    Everything is a van here too!! Weird.

    Reply
  30. Rika - Cubicle Throwdown says

    November 27, 2013 at 4:00 am

    Oh, I'm certainly not saying there's anything wrong with any of these!! Tourists should do whatever they want, they're on holidays 🙂 I just met so many of them that were confused on how we could 'pick them out' so I thought I'd shed some light on it.

    Reply
  31. Sue says

    November 27, 2013 at 3:54 am

    Oh monkey-la-la! I'd forgotten about them but sure did act a tourist and indulge in them when I was there. Potentially guilty of a few other sins as well. Such a beautiful island you call home.

    Reply
  32. Dana - Our Wanderlust says

    November 27, 2013 at 1:41 am

    Ha ha ha… Coming from Sint Maarten – This is ALL TRUE here too. Also, if you can't tell the difference between a taxi and a bus (they're both vans here). Thanks for all the awesome 'tourist' pics 🙂

    Reply
  33. flyawayoneday says

    November 27, 2013 at 1:38 am

    This is a funny read! I think this list totally applies to beaches everywhere, you can spot them like this in Thailand too! Haha! Except since I don't live at the beach, I think I might be a tourist when I head to the islands too… oh well 🙂

    Reply

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i’m rika!

hiya! i'm a canadian paralegal-turned-scuba diving instructor-turned EFL teacher-turned digital nomad. i left my cubicle in 2012 and haven't looked back since. i'm a serial expat, but right now i'm back in canada on hiatus for a while. welcome to the place where i say things.

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